My conclusions from overthinking.
After trying to analyze ever little detail of my life (from what I could recall) for the last couple days I came to a conclusion that helps me sleep at night. I am always running scenarios back over and over again in my mind, trying to figure out what I did wrong, or how I could have made it better, but at the end of the day there is nothing I can do or fix. (I’ve learn not to make life decisions after midnight) So after giving up, I realize, I just want to do something that matters. Sometime I can invest myself in, without questioning every couple days will this really be worth it. I don’t care if its people, a profession, a calling. I just want something I don’t have to watch myself to make sure I’m not stepping on glass or look back and find out that I’ve been only going in circles.
I’ve been through people who don’t care a rats ass about you at the end of the day. I’ve strived for things that I’ve known would end up in inner turmoil or destruction. I just want to go all in with something (or possibly more then one thing). That won’t come back to completely haunt me in the end. I know there is risk in the flight and I don’t care if I need to fail at some things just to get better or practice. I kinda just want to do something thats worth it…Thats building me up, but not to break me down to ground zero again.
I know that a lot to ask, but I feel like if I am fact really am of any value, there should be some purpose somewhere in me for something.